Another Del Mar Fair has come to an end. You see, hear, taste, and smell lots of different things. My bar was in a building with live bulls in it. There was so much B.S. in there, I thought I was at the family reunion.
I have 3-4 kegs of beer blow on me each day. I get splattered and reek of beer. A cop pulled me over on the way home.
“How much have you had to drink?”
I said, “None, but I’m wearing 2 pints.”
I don’t know which is higher — the amount of money I spent on food or my cholesterol.
There’s one rule at the fair that needs to be changed. You can take alcohol anywhere in the fair except the Fun Zone (where all the rides and kids are). Well, I say that when you’re in the middle of all those kids, THAT’S WHEN YOU NEED A DRINK!!!!!!!!!!
I feel sorry for all the legless turkeys wandering around somewhere.
We just found out President Trump is bilingual. He speaks English and profanity.
The government always claims we are in too much debt. I just found out Jimmy Carter’s funeral cost us $1.5 million. I think we should have saved $1.5 million and buried Biden at the same time. I sent my balance-the-budget idea to Washington. Now the FBI has a file on me.
As a newly divorced woman, I’m back on the dating scene. I haven’t been this popular since I let all the animals out of their cages at the zoo. I stood at the monkey cage yelling, “FLY, FLY, FLY!” At the fair, I met Ron. After one date with him, I rewrote the Crystals’ old song to be: THE DOO DOO RON RON RON, THE DOO DOO RON RON.
With him in mind, they’re going to rewrite the book “A Sexual Odyssey” and change the name to “A Sexual Oddity.”
Another guy I went out with was a disaster. I discovered that he was the other man who believed the Beatles were talking to him on the “White Album.”
The love of my life was my high school sweetheart. I saw him at the 25th reunion, and he looked great. He looked like a young Kenny Rogers. I just saw him at the 50th reunion, and he looks like Captain Kangaroo.
Jere Evans is a local comedian and comedy writer. She lives in Encinitas. Follow her on YouTube at @jereevanscomedy. Read more Instability columns here.
