Life isn’t always fair. They won’t grant asylum to immigrants, but they’re trying to put me in one.
Are the daughters of Caitlyn Jenner jealous because now their dad has bigger boobs than they do?
I’ve always felt that I was put on this Earth to make people laugh and put smiles on their faces. I once told my mom that. She said, “You were put on this Earth like most people because there was no birth control!”
My divorce is now final (it was final on my birthday!) — the best gift ever. He sent flowers and called to confirm that I received them. I said I did, then told him, “These are oleanders. They are deadly poisonous.”
He said, “I know that. It’s the thought that counts.”
I don’t feel divorced — I feel paroled. I wish I had had the GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card.
It has taken me a lifetime to accomplish nothing.
Now that I’m back on the dating scene, I need to find an average guy who can put up with me and my tactics. I never lie about my age, especially to men. I want them to know what they’re up against.
OH — poor choice of words.
Moving forward in life, it’s time to start checking off my bucket list. An item that has been on my list for years: I’ve always wanted to have fun with someone in a closet at a crowded event. Does that make me a pervert? I don’t know and don’t care. We all have our secret desires.
As a middle-aged woman, I’m happy to report that the item has been removed from my bucket list. It was great, and he was fantastic. If I ever see him again, I’ll find out what his name is.
Millions of people are coming out of the closet, and I can’t wait to get back into one! There is one minor problem in this situation — I’m no longer welcome at the PTA meeting.
Never say, “I’m not photogenic.” Photos don’t lie. If you say that, you are admitting that you are ugly!
BE KIND TO OTHERS.
Jere Evans is a comedian and comedy writer. Follow her on YouTube at jereevanscomedy and on Instagram at @jereevans. She lives in Encinitas.
