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House a ghost of its former self

I gazed in fascinated horror at the heirloom pumpkins on display this season. Part of me loved the unexpected color combinations and textures, but part of me wants to rush them to the closest dermatologist with a laser.

I am about to bust out my autumn and Halloween décor. It is my favorite season and color scheme. I have been known to decorate like mad, right down to the traditional pumpkins on my porch.

I haven’t emotionally moved over to the Cinderella pumpkins and their strange, bumpy friends. I expect I will, right about the time they go out of style.

Speaking of style, I may, one day soon, simply seize up and carry every piece of furniture I own out to the curb. Next, I will go into hock turning my house into an airy, breezy, beach-themed creature filled with wicker.

Do you sense a theme here? Yep. Our house has hit that age when everything, and I do mean everything, needs refurbishing and replacing. I have begun to linger over design magazines, and even my updated kitchen and bathrooms are looking a little worn.

I could redo the driveway and back patio. Or maybe clean the backyard slopes of detritus, and xeriscape. Or maybe get new windows, screens and French doors. Or simply paint, inside and out. And the fence is leaning. My tummy hurts.

What I really want is a team from “Flip This House,” or some other HGTV show, to drop by, because I want it all done right now, right now, right now. But I’ll settle for soon.

If I stagger around looking a bit dazed in the near future, it will be from home improvement sensory overload, trying to choose a couch.

Jean Gillette is a freelance writer who wants all things shiny, new and dust-repellent. Contact her at [email protected].