I’ve earned a Ph.D in pessimism
After years of work and patient diligence, I’ve finally earned my law degree. It takes a dedicated, clear-thinking individual to see through silly banalities and...
Doorman Diaries
As seen on late-night TV
As a sophisticated connoisseur of late night television, I’m consistently bombarded by commercials touting the latest gadget or toy that screams “must have.” Most are...
My vote is to just legalize it
Hey dingle, I have a question for you. Stoners, put your vaporizer down for minute. Or your bong. And your aluminum can and apple as...
I’m feeling celebrity overload
The Kardashian morons, Brad and Angelina, Ashton and Demi, and even those space cadet freaks Tom and Katie captivate our apathetic nation with every silly...
Reflection on what I’m not grateful for
Since Christmas has gone bye bye, as you grip this little pressed pulp masterpiece in your latte-holding little hands, I wanted to say thanks for...
The real reason for the season
As our holy moly-ist holiday shows up in red slacks on a ramshackle wooden sled with feral flying beasts and a wispy white beard, I...
Airport screenings come down to safety
So, it’s comes to my attention that our Transportation Security Administration, or TSA for those with acronym deficiency syndrome, is in the business of taking...
No trading this body in for newer model
Along with “Dancing with the Stars” (Bristol Palin … really?), getting old is definitely overrated. Fumbling towards my 36th year has led me to accept...
Beware of shiny, distracting objects
Dear Writer’s Block, Hello, how have you been? By that I mean you’re a jerk and I believe I’d like to kick you in the...
Shooting suspect will get his day in court
Brendan O’Rourke, an extremist right wing Christian, allegedly climbed a fence and fired wildly into Kelly Elementary School on Oct. 8, 2010. He struck two...
There’s a mythical monster in our midst
A tip has been thrown my direction from an astute Encinitas Paranormal Research Society member whose name rhymes with Penny Hunt. She mentioned pictorially that...
What would you do with $1 billion?
A billion dollars. Can you imagine what kind of damage could be done with a billion dollars? Actually you probably can. So can I. The...
I’m lucky to live in San Diego
I’m sure you’ve wondered where liquid libation experts go when the sun comes up. Well, actually we slink away to our shiny castles in the...
Pigskin, passion and Pop Warner
Are you ready for some football? No, not that flashy dundercrap on television every Sunday. Steroids and assault charges might be fun for tabloids, but...
The honest truth about slinging drinks
Sometimes decapitating Coronas and carefully tipping Jack Daniel’s into glass buckets isn’t quite as glamorous as it seems. As sad as it sounds, when I...