Last week, I asked you if Happy Hour was enough to motivate you to leave the house. So I asked myself the same question.
The answer was a resounding “No!” I like drinking at home. My lovely wife is there. The dog is always excited I’m around.* The liquor cabinet and beer fridge are always full. It would be a true utopia if it weren’t for the honk of the train horn seemingly every 15 minutes and the constant threat of termites.
But I did buy some new shorts and pants. Why make such a drastic move if not to go out into the world?
That’s how I found myself sitting at the bar under the roll-up window overlooking the parking lot patio at Blue Fire Brewing in San Marcos, asking myself, What will motivate me to leave the house?
As I looked out over a half dozen sun-baked picnic tables, I was struck by a bolt of metaphorical lightning that lit a fire deep in the core of my id – competition!
The search for the Best Brewery Patio in North County has begun, but first, allow me to sip this White Sage IPA. You may remember that was one of my favorites at Guildfest last fall. I’m going to need a minute…
While I drink, I start planning the structure of this soon-to-be epic battle for patio supremacy. It will be a March Madness-style head-to-head bracket. However, the top seeds should be rewarded somehow, and like America’s fifth national sport, MTV’s The Challenge,** there should be a few surprises.
Let’s start the North County Brewery Patio-Off Bracket or NCBPOB!
THE COMPETITORS: The competitors were chosen by reputation, commentary from other Blue Fire Brewing patrons, personal experience, and a hard-target Google Maps photo gallery search.
THE SEEDS: The top eight breweries are patio heavy hitters and have received a first-round bye. No one I’ve asked has questioned New English Brewing Company at the top of that list. Still, the competition committee struggled to determine the 6-8 seeds. As a result, some potential Cinderellas are waiting in the ranks just below.
THE SCORES: Brewery patios will be graded on a +/- point system. Patios will be graded on the following categories:
- Accommodation: Space logistics, including seating, shade, bathroom access, and comfortability.
- Atmosphere: K.A. the vibe. Things like music, design, firepits, games, greenery, etc
- Offerings: What is on the menu or available on the patio? For example, a brewery doesn’t serve food, but food trucks arrive daily; that would be a +.
- Service: Service matters! It overlaps with Atmosphere but is a significant enough factor to get its own category.
- Wildcard: What makes this patio worth putting on my new pants? Is there something that makes it stand out besides the other scientifically determined categories? Did a bird poop on me, or a bartender mistake me for a celebrity? Wildcard!
Each category is worth a total of 20 points. A perfect patio would receive a 100 (unlikely) score, and the worst patio would receive a 0 (also unlikely). Multiple visits to a patio can be combined to create an overall score to avoid one extreme experience.
The brewery with the higher score*** will win the head-to-head and advance in the bracket. In the case of a tie, I’ll reach out to a collection of five local brewery-goers chosen randomly for their vote on which brewery in the head-to-head competition is better. I’ll defer to their decision.
UNEXPECTED SURPRISES: They are unpredictable, so I can’t speak to them. However, I feel there will be a twist or two during this competitive experiment.
A NOTE ABOUT TASTE: Beer taste is not a direct factor scored in this competition. I have a reasonably eclectic beer palate, but I like how some beer tastes more than others. So you may try something I recommend and think I’m out of my mind.
We can only guide you to the deck, but we can’t make sure you drink good beer. It isn’t fair to judge a patio based on the beer. I may comment on the beer but won’t let that be a determining grade factor.
A NOTE ABOUT STONE: Some readers will inevitably point out that neither of Stone Brewing’s North County locations (Escondido, Oceanside) is in the bracket, despite having quite lovely outdoor spaces. It isn’t a personal slight at Stone for selling to Sapporo Breweries.
“Good for them!” I say, but Sapporo is a global empire that doesn’t need anything from the Cheers! North County column. The Stone patios get an honorary mention for paving the way for many breweries who’ve learned from their example. I’ll keep my focus on the neighborhood.
FINALE: So, who is ready to get outside? Summer is here, and the patios are calling. NCBPOB is underway! Get your bracket here!
*Mostly true.
**This isn’t just my opinion. Read this column from Tim Marcin on Mashable, MTV’s ‘The Challenge’ is America’s finest sport. In what other sport do you get to see one human being wear another like a backpack in a feat of physical dominance while navigating the social politics of a reality show?
***Bribery will not impact this writer/judge, but it is encouraged.
Did I miss an excellent brewery patio? Send a message to @CheersNorthCounty on Facebook or Instagram, or e-mail me at [email protected].
