The Coast News Group
Small Talk

The next millenium is only 985 years away

Say it with me now… Yikes! The next millennium is only 985 years away.

The way most of us race through life with our hair on fire, that is coming up fast.

So, are you ready for a new year? Have you even swept up all the pine needles and taken down all the lights yet? No, me either. Most of us are still cleaning out the refrigerator, coming down off our holiday sugar buzz, joined by the frightening amounts of cream and butter we consumed, surrounded by chocolate.

I swore I was going to go to exercise class every day for a couple of weeks. I know you are as surprised as I am that this somehow didn’t happen. I have been trying to eat lots of salads for three days now, but the transition is tenuous and my clothes are still snug. I haven’t yet poured chocolate syrup on my romaine, but I finish my vegetables feeling momentarily virtuous, only to discover some leftover treat lying around begging to be consumed. Once that package of corn chips has been opened, well, you know it won’t keep. Same goes for the champagne, the Brie and that leftover mashed potatoes and gravy. It’s a slippery slope but a tasty one.

The no-nos have to run out eventually, but when the house becomes goodie-free, things could get ugly. I’m getting ready now to address the withdrawal with artificially sweetened tea, fresh pears and perhaps some Greek yogurt. I have solemnly sworn to return to the “If I don’t have it on my kitchen shelves, I won’t think about eating it,” mode that reigns over the balance of my year.

If I am going to button any of my winter pants, there may well be a three-day cleanse in my future. I really hope it doesn’t come to that. That sort of denial takes me into a realm of cranky that nobody wants to see.

I think for perhaps another week, we can maintain, with a straight face, that we are keeping garbage out of our landfills by finishing up that leftover fudge and cheese platter. But by this time next week, no excuses will be accepted.

That is, unless a friend offers you something delicious and you have to eat it just to be polite. Manners are so important.

Jean Gillette is a freelance writer focusing on chicken consommé and 101 ways to prepare zucchini. Contact her at [email protected].