Basically, 2025 wasn’t a good year for me — except for the fact that my divorce was final (finally)! My ex gave me a gift card for Christmas. It was for Dr. Kevorkian.
My ex-husband was a very heavy man. He used to say, “I have everything a woman desires.” I’d answer, “Yeah… curly hair and big boobs.”
His native language should have been Pig Latin. He was a bowler. When I wasn’t around, he was always trying to pick up a spare.
The scariest movie I’ve ever seen was my wedding video. If you want to follow the road to financial freedom, never get married.
I told him, “I want to do something I’ve never done before. I want to drive in a demolition derby.” He said, “You do that every time you get behind the wheel.”
At least now I can go to a movie without having to share my popcorn.
As I get older, I’ve learned that your body is like an expensive car. Over time, it will get a few dents and scratches. I’m like my car — the two front tires went flat, the rear end is low like it’s overloaded, and the rear bumper is hanging.
I’m not paranoid, but if I get a bad headache, I think, “Well, I’ve had a good life…”
If I were a cop, I’d only ticket people who drove cars I can’t afford. Cops sit in donut shops, taking in a lot of sugar and caffeine. These are the last people who should have a gun.
Is Triple A an insurance agency or a bra size for the unfortunate?
“The Young and the Restless” was on TV so long it should have been called “The Old and the Annoying.”
I have to go now. I’m due back on the planet Insanity. I’ll be in a comedy show on Jan. 21 at the New Village Arts Center in Carlsbad. Hope to see you there.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Jere Evans is a local comedian and comedy writer. She lives in Encinitas. Follow her on YouTube at @jereevanscomedy. Read more Instability columns here.
