ENCINITAS — Rexy may want to be your best friend, but sometimes he gets in his own way.
The green, stuffed dinosaur has been used to teach kindergarten students at the Rhoades School in Encinitas for years. He is also the subject of a book aimed at helping children develop the skills to be kind to one another.
Julie Sugarman and Mary Ruppert wrote “Rexy and the Four Steps to Friendship” based on stories and strategies they developed over 27 years of teaching kindergarten in neighboring classrooms, including to this author, who was a kindergarten student of Ruppert’s.
Sugarman left the school before the 2023-24 school year after teaching there for 34 years. She remains deeply tied to the school having had her sons Eli and Zack attend Rhoades. Sugarman now has a grandson, Jake, who she believes will be the first, second-generation graduate.
In the book, Rexy can say mean things and even takes a book from his friends while learning the Four Steps.
“He’s always struggling with controlling his impulses,” Ruppert said. “The kids like to see that because they’ve seen it at their own school. Maybe they want to say some of the things he says and get away with it.”
Rexy is one of nearly 30 puppets Ruppert said she uses to connect with students.
There is Jim the Awesome Dragon, who can do extraordinary things like fly, but “doesn’t think he’s anything special,” Ruppert said.
Other characters include Cal the Quiet Coyote and the Worried Wombat.
Ruppert said one of the best pieces of teaching advice she received came from a previous job working at a zoo: “Find the bridge between the child and what you want them to learn.”
Seeing pieces of themselves or their friends in the characters helps students better understand their own feelings and relate to the steps used to resolve conflicts between friends.
Ruppert said she learned a lot from observing and working with Sugarman, whom she described as “a mighty force” and “ahead of her time” in her approach to social-emotional education.
“It is great that social-emotional learning is a much bigger part of education these days,” she said. “When I was getting my credential, we didn’t have a single class on how to solve conflicts in the classroom.”
Sugarman said that in “in kindergarten there’s so many things to learn beyond reading and math” including “learning how to learn” and how to “be patient with each other.”
She credited her close bond with Ruppert with, she said, letting kids know “they were safe and we admire them no matter what happened throughout the day.”
“To me kids need that role modeling to see that’s how you treat people,” Sugarman said. “That’s not a pencil and paper thing, but has to be interactive. You feel it and act it.”
The duo collaborated on the stories and received additional assistance on the project from Erica Dei, a graphic designer who is married to longtime Rhoades School physical education teacher Nick Dei.
Ruppert drew the artwork for the book and said Erica Dei helped convince her not to overthink the illustrations.
Ruppert added that the most critical part of the “Four Steps” is equipping students with the tools to build friendships despite inevitable conflicts.
“Kindergarteners tend to think in black-and-white terms,” she said. “So they’ll say, ‘Well, if that person hurt my feelings, they’re not my friend anymore. It’s over. It’s done. I’m never going to talk to that person again.’ And so this is to help them understand that they can move on.”
“They can’t agree to disagree, they have to be right,” Sugarman said. “Sometimes we just have to accept each other and that’s the way it is.”
“It’s fun, I think adults can still use it,” she said with a laugh.
