The Coast News Group
Small Talk

First let me remind all that I have a gorgeous new kitchen. I cling to that as the home surrounding that kitchen crumbles.I pulled into the driveway anticipating a change of clothes, an exercise class and a quiet evening. Instead I found a mini-geyser pulsing out of my front garden like a major artery had been slit. I naively figured it was part of our old, feeble sprinkler system. I had dug down and put a plant in two weeks ago and thought perhaps I had unwittingly nicked a pipe.

So now I had to get the water shut off. Oh, I knew where the valve was, but it was too stiff for me to turn. I threw myself on the mercy of a neighbor who got it shut off. I then scrambled around until I found an emergency irrigation repair guy who came by and dug up the line, expecting to find PVC pipe, and fix it. Apparently, loving my upgraded kitchen and baths was just too much hubris for the gods to take.

Once the offending line was visible, the repairman admitted he had never seen pipe like ours. Ever. It was not PVC, but something not truly suited to serve as a main water line, which it was. We needed a plumber to fix it and the sun was going down.

I slapped on my Wonderwoman indestructible bracelets and lasso of truth and headed to the home repair store in hopes of a temporary fix. I came home armed with a metal cuff. That, plus a plastic bag wrapped around the break, and some major assistance from a young friend with upper body strength, stopped the flow. I felt like I had won the Nobel plumbing prize.

I swiftly took a shower, brushed my teeth and did dishes. Then I sat down and indulged in some serious self-pity. There was every chance my immediate future would require a jackhammer and large check.

Good news, though. The leak was fixable and my driveway’s intact. But I swear I can hear the rest of the waterline laughing at me.