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The political party to end all parties

Fed up with our sick and stalemated political system in Washington, but always quick with a great sense of humor, my brilliantly goofy brother has proudly invented “PBR Squared” — The Progressive Brotherhood of Radical Republicans.  Clever.

He recommends this novel solution because, after all, it pretty much includes everyone!  We love inclusiveness, right?

How politically correct.

One big happy family and no more bickering.

I think he’s been drinking too much of his homemade wine while listening to Dylan Ratigan (I call him “D-Rat”) on MSNBC, author of an excellent book, “Greedy Bastards.”

Ingenious!  Except, as I had to remind him, there’s just one problem …  you left out the sisters.

What about the sisters?  Ohhh, right.  He promised to get back to me on that.

It has certainly become clear that men are incapable of solving our disputes, often making them worse, but then, even when the girls go to Washington, they start acting just like the guys.

Regardless, we can’t leave the Femi-Nazis out of the stakes, and the squabbles.

Left versus right, Liberals and Conservatives, Tea Partyers, Independents, Libertarians, believers, atheists, non-voters, green freaks, climate change fixers and deniers, … plus assorted posers?  “Repugnicans” and loony lefties?

Congressional crooks, sexual deviates, and whiners.  Pick your “position.”  Did I leave anyone out?

I’m an equal opportunity offender.

The fabled framers designed our Constitution to guide statesmen of good conscience to reason together and govern.

They were visionaries, but today this is literally impossible without all the “slobbyists” throwing their weight around — think tanks, PACs, global corporations, unions, and certain devious individuals.

Read Charlie Gasparino’s book “Bought and Paid For — the Unholy Alliance between Wall Street and Barack Obama,” on lobbying and the billions of dollars of influence they buy.

And “Betrayal” by Linda Chavez on labor unions.

“The Jungle” by Upton Sinclair on the history of labor unions is of course a classic.  “And Chicago will be ours!”

Is this what the big daddies of our newbie nation envisioned?

They would be shocked at the mess we’ve made, but they also could never have imagined getting quite so big for our britches.

This is the beauty and the beast of our “democrazy,” a couple hundred years into its experiment.

Ben Franklin offered us a republic, “… if you can keep it.”

The hard-to-hear truth is that democracy is too good for most people, many of whom are uneducated or unwilling to do their homework, face compromise and change, reluctant to stare down their own myopic points of view and addictions, and often ignorant of moral prerequisites.  Thank you, George Washington.

Brother Dearest, in a serious moment, opts for term limits as well.  Constant campaigning is the status quo with one hell of a hideous price tag!

Some things never change; they just get more outrageous.

Then, those elected to handle oversight in DC get slammed, subpoenas are dissed, and hearings are held without answers.

A Chinese friend warned about both the lack of a middle class and the rampant corruption infecting her country of origin.  Government with too much power robbing us blind?

Term limits might prevent some from hanging around until they’re senile, but politicians and wealthy lobbyists would stack the deck, regardless, for their pals as successors.

After elected office, they tend to roll on over into other areas of government or the private sector (Boob Filner, Miss-the-Mark Wyland, The Clintonians), causing more gluttony and inertia as they collect astronomical speaking fees, write books, create foundations in need of audits, and further enrich themselves at our expense.

Where does it end?

I’d like to wholeheartedly give my vote to an actual choice, rather than the lesser of a bunch of weevils.

Calling all statesmen and women — come to the urgent aid of your country.

Oh, never mind; let’s have another glass of wine.

Celia Kiewit is an Encinitas resident.