I know. This really shouldn’t be a big surprise to me, or anyone who knows me, but it has become very clear lately that my getting wired on caffeine is every bit as hazardous as my getting liquored up.
The good news is I am truly horrified at the epiphany. The bad news is that I still really love the occasional latte. But I am going to have to start being very careful where I go and who is around to talk to, after I slurp a shot of espresso. What happens is that I speak first, and think later … much later. Opinions just start leaping out of my mouth as if everyone is hanging on my every word. Yes, I do know better. I will be the first to admit that while some of my chatter might be amusing, the bulk of it is just annoying. No applause, please.
I suspect things might have escalated recently, because I stopped drinking caffeine for a while. Now it takes far less to give me a buzz. Aside from suddenly giving me the solutions to all the world’s problems, coffee doesn’t really agree with me in general. But I am weak. Sometimes, when that afternoon slump hits, that latte starts to sound like, and will taste like, ambrosia.
I don’t know what the solution is. Perhaps I need to follow my coffee with a margarita. While that sounds delicious, I suspect that might have multiple downsides. I know drinking, especially day-drinking, makes me really sleepy, but I fear it does nothing to shut my mouth. Maybe I can stuff my mouth full of croissants. Masking tape might do it, but people would probably stare, wondering if I just escaped being kidnapped.
It’s a very good thing I am never afraid to apologize. And it is a very good thing most people I know are very forgiving.
Jean Gillette is a freelance writer who may have solutions to all the world’s problems, if you ask her at the right time. Contact her at [email protected].
