I don’t believe in luck. I don’t believe in ghosts and I’m not superstitious. But I am certain that appliances have minds of their own, and they can smell fear.
First, my toaster oven stopped turning off (leaving many a burned waffle).
Next, my Word app just disappeared from my computer, and the wheels rusted off my microwave’s rotating plate. The next day, my blow dryer got stuck on lukewarm, and my clock radio alarm wouldn’t shut off.
At the height of the day’s heat, the blade fell off the fan in the attic. The final stroke (I hope) was when the rearview mirror just dropped off my windshield and into my lap.
Like some B-grade horror movie or “The Sad Little Toaster – Part 2,” my appliances are in revolt. The really scary part is that this has happened before, and it is always when I can least afford to replace them.
I can almost see the wicked grins on their shiny little faces. Apparently, my computer accessed my bank account and credit cards and has shared my pathetic financial situation with all its electric brothers. They know that now is the time to strike.
It’s the end of summer, when income is low and boredom is high. My children require steady activities to fill their summer days.
As any parent knows, there are no events that cost less than $20. Most cost more. It doesn’t matter that the movie ticket is only (gasp) $10. They must have snacks and probably pizza afterward. Every theme park costs $30 just to get through the door.
Even enlightening and edifying classes take you down $50 to $200, plus the gas to drive there and back.
I am faced with the realization that either my motorized accessories are going on strike or I am the victim of sabotage missions by some clandestine environmental assault group.
Thus far, no one has stepped forward to claim credit for my electric meltdown.
For the nonce, I’m holding my breath wondering which television set might explode, when my curling iron will snatch me bald, and how I will face the untimely, smoking death of my electric toothbrush.
I’m hoping they will lose interest if I stop sniveling. I’m taking an attitude of nonchalance, but I’ve warmed up my Home Depot, Costco and Sears credit cards.
Strange how their cash registers always work.
Jean Gillette is a freelance writer ignoring that thumping sound from the washing machine. Contact her at [email protected]