OCEANSIDE — For nearly a decade, a workshop has helped parents in the Oceanside Unified School District build better relationships with their children.
Oceanside school district psychologists Kelly Graham Flores and Carol Thorne Godwin first discovered “Parenting the Love and Logic Way” eight years ago and quickly fell in love with the program. The pair began hosting classes for local parents interested in applying the program’s practices to their daily parenting routines.
Love and Logic is a philosophy founded in 1977 by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, which teaches that children learn best when they can make their own choices, and when they fail, are still met with love and empathy from their parents and teachers.
There are two basic rules to Love and Logic. First, adults must set firm limits with children without anger, lectures, threats or repeated warnings. Secondly, when children misbehave or create problems, parents hand those problems back in a loving way.
“It allows parents to regain control in families where the balance of control is not there,” Thorne Godwin said. “It’s also the idea that you don’t have to scream and yell and threaten your kids… doing that actually takes your power away and chips at that relationship with your children.”
Both Thorne Godwin and Graham Flores traveled to Denver to receive training on how to teach a series of Love and Logic classes for parents. Years later, the two have built a rapport with parents who have taken the course and passed its benefits to others through word of mouth.
“What I’ve noticed over the years from the very first session to now is that parents are already coming in with a sense of trust,” Graham Flores said.
The two psychologists make a good team because of their personal parenting experiences.
While Thorne Godwin wasn’t precisely following Love and Logic steps as she parented her four adult children, she did apply some of Love and Logic’s suggestions, which she said proved more successful than other parenting methods.
As the mother of young children, Graham Flores has used Love and Logic techniques throughout her children’s lives. In doing so, she can tell parents from her own experienced how well the methods work.
“The idea of it is not permissive, but it’s not punitive either, it’s finding that balance between the two and setting firm boundaries but in a loving way that allows the child to feel connected and loved and learned how to solve their own problem,” Graham Flores said. “It’s letting parents guide their children through life while they develop their own skills.”
Love and Logic sessions have attracted not only mothers, fathers, grandparents and step-parents. Sometimes, parents attend sessions with their parents to learn how to better tend to the youngest generation together.
“Love and Logic provides a simplistic way for everyone to speak the same language,” Thorne Godwin said.
Parent Veronica Ortega is taking the Love and Logic series for a second time this year.
“It’s been really helpful and reinforcing for me,” Ortega said.
Ortega is the parent of a 6-year-old kindergartner in the district. While she already had a good relationship with her young son, the stress of a recent separation from her spouse has impacted that relationship.
“Going through a divorce has been stressful, and I felt like I wasn’t on my A-game,” Ortega said. “Love and Logic called on me to reestablish that relationship with my child.”
Within the first few weeks of taking Love and Logic, Ortega noticed a big difference in how her son interacted with her.
“My son wanted to sit on my lap more, I was getting more eye contact with him, and he was being more thoughtful,” she said.
Ortega, a former water polo coach, compared taking the class to coach.
“I can be coached and need to be coached,” she said.
Ortega recommended the Love and Logic series to anyone undergoing a transition like a divorce, job change or a pandemic.
“If you’re tired of being tired and want to enjoy time with your kids, then Love and Logic is the class for you,” Ortega said.
Learn more about Oceanside Unified School District’s “Love and Logic” workshop.
