The Coast News Group
Small Talk

I should have been the queen

That’s right. Queen Elizabeth dropped by America this week, and as one of British royalties biggest fans, I was delighted to hear it. If I had been any closer to New York, I’d have busted out my best curtsey. I have loved to royal-watch since Prince Charles was a teenager (as was I at the time). He was my big crush, but I figured he was out of my league. When I realized he was willing to settle for Camilla, well, didn’t I feel foolish.
But I have to admit that what I love even more than the iconic queen herself is a good Queen Elizabeth impersonator making jokes at her expense. My laughter is never malicious and, hey, I didn’t start it. Just ask Monty Python or Kids In the Hall or any other comedy group in the Commonwealth.
Well, anyone who manages to remain the epitome of decorum and gracious behavior for 81 years is just fair game.
Besides, I have been regularly impressed at what good sports the British royalty are about teasing. It had to be the least of their worries, compared to the wacky British tabloids.
Her Majesty did a real hit-and-run in New York — not even a full day. But she was in the neighborhood after a tour of Canada, so I suppose it seemed rude not to at least drop by. She hadn’t passed through since 1976, but we all know how busy life gets with walking the Yorkies and such.
She packed a lot in though, addressing the United Nations General Assembly with an appeal for world unity, laid a wreath at Ground Zero and opened the British Garden of Remembrance honoring the 67 British citizens killed on 9/11. All good things.
If it had been me, I would have found a way to fit in at least one trip to Bloomie’s and Tiffany, but I suppose if any girl on earth has enough diamonds, it would be her.
I am, however, really, really excited about one small bit of information attached to reports of what the queen is up to these days. Her annual spending of $57.8 million only costs each British person 94 cents a year. That, good readers, is less than $1, and the U.K. is way smaller than the U.S.
Is there any chance at all I could talk everyone in the nation out of 94 cents a year mailed directly to me? Heck, you lose that much in the couch cushions and I promise I’ll spend it ever so wisely. There might even be a little something from Tiffany’s in it for you.