All right, ladies. I think it is our turn. I have decided that World Cup soccer games have the potential for women that the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition has for men. If you sit down and really watch, it is nothing but eye candy.
Oh yeah, fellahs. That’s right. What is sauce for the goose is occasionally sauce for the gander. Who’s with me?
Every one of these young soccer stars is in peak physical condition, hence just delightful to observe in action. It seems like most of them even have a square jaw, chiseled features, good hair and look every bit as fine covered in sweat as they do before the match starts. Actually, I think they look better drenched in sweat. It works just like a wet T-shirt contest, except we get to see seriously defined abs and pecs.
These adorable fellows also have particularly amazing quadriceps from hustling endlessly up and down the field, and necks and shoulders equally impressive from bonking the ball with their heads. I don’t care what age you are, seeing such beautiful specimens of the male sex is good TV. And unlike the ridiculous reality shows, we don’t have to listen to these guys say anything stupid.
Now if we can just get one of them to rip off their shirt like Brandy Chastain did.
It’s a lovely view that most of us just don’t get to see that often, at least not in such numbers. We don’t require it on a regular basis, but it’s a pity to overlook the occasional visual buffet.
You could, I suppose, cruise the coastline looking for surfers in their wetsuits, but even then you’re not getting the chiseled physiques sported by the professional soccer player. And besides, you might cause a fender-bender on 101.
From my aging point of view, these international athletes are just so darned cute. So young, so earnest, so into their game face. I’ll bet they have no clue they are being ogled by happily married women of all ages across the globe. It’s probably best that way. I’m sure they already are well aware that they are chick magnets, but beyond that, it will remain our little secret. Beefcake is beefcake and, no matter how demure you are, we are hardwired to admire it, so enjoy.
I don’t know why I’m not as impressed by other athletes. Baseball and basketball players have muscle potential but somehow it’s not the same. Of course, football players are thoroughly smothered in pads and helmets and such. In track, they’re just moving too fast. Outside of soccer, you have to turn to water sports to equal the level of muscle tone. I still applaud that one American Olympic water polo team who posed for Vanity Fair. They worked hard for those bodies and really needed to get them out of the water and show them off before they hit 30 and it all goes to fat.
But let’s not get into that. For now, a global gathering of gorgeous soccer gods are working up a sweat just for me, and that will do nicely.
Filed Under: Small Talk