Happy Chinese New Year

Gung hay fat choy! I know that I’m about a week late in wishing you all a bountiful lunar new year 4708, but this holiday is traditionally celebrated for two weeks. I really like that in a holiday.
I have always enjoyed getting a second shot at starting my New Year’s resolutions and filling the coming year with luck, and I especially like an alternative to the always-disappointing St. Valentine’s Day. Now, don’t call me bitter. It’s just a fact. Men see it as a vicious plot to make them say or do nice things against their will, and women just expect too much. Let’s get back to the one that provides parties and really wonderful food.
It appears some crazy times are ahead. “The year of the Tiger is traditionally associated with massive changes and social upheaval. Therefore,” they say, “2010 is very likely to be a volatile one both on the world scene, as well as on a personal level.” Gee. I thought that was last year.
It even provides horoscopes and fortunes, which I always thought were good fun until I had a look at mine for Year of the Tiger. I am, you see, the Year of the Ox. Moo.
“The only way the Tiger and Oxen get on is when the former is tucking into the latter for dinner, so Oxen should expect a year of dodging arguments, brawls and man-eating cats. Conflict may arise both at work and at home, as the personalities of those energized by the year of the Tiger clash with the rather more laid-back Ox,” it said.
Oh, goody. The bright side is I’m not really all that laid back, in spite of being both a Taurus and Year of the Ox. I’ve been known, in my checkered past, to enjoy a good verbal brawl from time to time. So if you see me shrieking like a fishwife in the middle of the grocery store, just chalk it up to the alignment of the moon and the stars. Not my fault. Really.
The rest of you — Rat, Snake, Rabbit, Monkey, Horse, Goat, Rooster, Dog, Pig and Dragon — had best see if anyone in your immediate vicinity is a Tiger before you make another move. In fact, we’d better find ourselves some Dragons to hang around with. I think they are the only ones who don’t sound like lunch.
Now go put on something red, order some take-out Chinese, pop open a bottle of Tsingtsao beer and in the words of my favorite Bette Davis movie line ever, “Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.”

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