The Coast News Group
Small Talk

OMG! I’ve gone 21st century

They said it would never happen. I didn’t argue. But wonder of wonders, I am slowly synching with the 21st century. There have been several clear signs.
First, I finally don’t find the sight of pregnant women in body-hugging clothes completely repulsive. I still don’t really want to see their navels pop out, but it doesn’t irritate me nearly as much as it used to. Then I realized I was depressed because my e-mail was all spam. I remember when I didn’t even get snail mail every day — not even junk mail. And now I want to pout because a day has gone by without hearing from one or all of my friends? That is so 2009.
I am also elated that I figured out how to use the alarm on my cell phone. Everyone under 40 needs to stop laughing now. Yes, it is easy, but I’m on a need-to-know basis with my gadgets and I didn’t need it before. Now this little miracle makes certain I keep appointments and remember commitments.
OK, OK. Not convinced? How about this … I’ve stopped wearing a watch, using my cell phone instead. Another big breakthrough is that I finally think first of the Internet when I have a question about anything. It took me a solid decade to break the lifelong habit of heading for the dictionary, phone book or Thomas guide when I needed information. Now I get really cranky if I can’t find exactly what I’m looking for in cyberspace.
But the absolute capper snuck up on me. After viewing phone texting much like taking calculus, one day last week I suddenly wanted to send a photo and text message to my kid. This is not because it’s hip. It’s not because it saves any time … with my clumsy hands, it won’t. It is because my children don’t actually answer their cell phones anymore. But they always check to see who’s texting them.
Then I was driving along and really wanted a piece of information. And I wanted it right now — which means Internet. Yes, that means I have begun to covet one of those heretofore intimidating, expensive cell phones. The applications (yes, I know they are called apps) are pure temptation. They look so cool, I almost forget this will mean reading another thick manual, plus a big hike in my phone bill. Still, I can’t be held responsible if one day I awake from a trance and find myself in line at the cell phone store with a $100 bill in my hand. These phones are the next best thing to having a personal assistant.
“Bridget, would you double check the spelling of kerfuffle and see what time my Wednesday doctor appointment is? Also, put on some nice music, see what blouse I ought to wear with my black skirt, after you check the weather report, and see where I can find some stockings to go with it. Then let me know whose birthdays are coming up and remind me to pick up cards for them.”
Oh yeah. It’s on. I’ll be part of the new world order any day now. Still, as tempting as all that is, I may hold out until they make an app that folds the laundry. Oh, it’s coming.